Emptiness and self-love in relationships!

No relationship is going to give us the love that we don’t have for ourselves, no matter how much someone loves us. If we do not love ourselves, we simply cover with that love our lack of affection, attention, and care. If that relationship ends at some point, the emptiness is so enormous that we feel that the world is falling and we desperately exhaust our resources to maintain it. Even we use extortion, submission and manipulation. However, if all our resources do not work, we run to “love” someone else to help us fill that emptiness again.

And so we go through life collecting lacking, toxic loves for fear of looking at that emptiness or because we do not know how to accept that it exists. But the emptiness is there, that it is nobody’s responsibility, just ours. But what happens if I turn to see that emptiness? If I recognize it as mine, observe it, feel it, feel it? What happens if I give myself knowing that desolation to know what it is made of, what it lacks, what is inside it to know how it arose and why it is there?

We realize all the wounds that are accumulated there. When we realize them, we work to overcome them and not have so much effect on our lives. We expand our perspective and our level of understanding to where we realize no one can really fill that void but ourselves. Then we learn to really know ourselves, to accept ourselves as we are with our virtues and defects, we learn to love ourselves, and to change what we dislike about ourselves. We learn to accept others, not to judge them, and we realize that in our day to day work with ourselves is as powerful and primordial as any food of the day.

That is self-love within a relationship, to know that you cannot delegate your happiness to someone else, to know that you cannot change someone and demand that someone feels or does something they do not want just because we need or want it. That means to accept that we and no one else handle our happiness, and that happiness and our person is what we decide to share with the other day by day through an agreement of mutual surrender and affection.